At Least the Books Weren’t Past Due

After a bit of sex, my husband threw the condom in a plastic grocery bag, instead of walking four extra feet to the trash can. A few days later I pick up the bag, not knowing that his little soldiers are swimming around inside of it. I put my library books inside, take the books and my kids to the library, and hand the bag to the librarian.

A few minutes later, she walks up to me as I am pushing the babys through an aisle. “Excuse me, ma’am, but we can’t take these back.” Puzzled by her latex gloves, I look inside and see the condom, juices spilled all over the books. I am mortified. My face goes red as I whisper, “I’m so sorry,” before she tells me I am banned from the library. I run out of there as fast as possible, crying. Books are my life. (Kentucky, January 2008)

~Rebecca Adams

Waxing Ineloquently

We hosted a seven-course dinner for my husband’s coworkers. After a lot of wine, I shared my experience of getting a Brazilian wax. No other women at the table reciprocated. (Deep South, Spring)

~Melissa Clark

Hi, Sailor

I am retired and go for a long walk almost every day. My wife often sees me walking along a path as she drives to work. When she sees me, she honks the horn, and I wave to her. I always look forward to hearing her honk the horn.

~Kenneth Solstad

Mutual Relief:

Suicidal and frantic, she discloses her location. I show up to pry her off the bar stool and find her some help. We find a recovery center and en route I become very aroused. We stop, she gives me head, and continues down the road to recovery. (Huntington Beach, California, 10 a.m., Summer of 2007)

~Phil Gwar

Biblical Interpretation

The Bible is in the fiction section of my bookshelf, instead of the place of honor in the nightstand drawer. (Indiana, 2008)

~Anonymous

Nice Talking to You

On a cruise, my parents left us in a beach house with our grandparents. When they called from a port in the Bahamas, we explained that I had just reached a fever of 104, Kyle had been bitten by a small shark, and Grandma sliced open her leg and needed 9 stitches. They didn’t call again. (July 2001)

~Laura N.

A Secret Within a Secret

When I was a boy, an older boy showed me an abandoned mattress near his house and invited me to play on it without clothes. Years later, I told my family he raped me to ease my burdened mind, but I never admitted how much I liked it.

~Anonymous

All in the Family

Claudia was 14. She offered me her body for $3. I treated her to tortillas instead. Later, I met her mom and sister, working the park. At their bamboo home I met Claudia’s 5-year-old niece and wondered, “When will she enter the family business?” (San Salvador, 2002)

~Timothy I. O’Connell