Waterfalls
May 2006, Ohio
By Laura Munion
As I was getting my daughters ready for bed I reflected on my life. Why did things turn out the way they did? Did I do or not do something to make things wind up how they are now? I was never really planning on having children; what would my life be like without them?
The more I thought about it, the more I decided that I am glad that I don’t know what it would be like without my little girls. I’ve always been a depressed, pessimistic person, and they help me get out of that slump. Sure they add additional stress as well, but I wouldn’t trade being their mom for anything.
“Waterfall! Waterfa-a-alll!” Celest yells, snapping me out of my thoughts. She is angry because I told her we would go to bed and watch the tabletop waterfall lamp, but I am getting her and Lotus some milk before I take them to bed. Obviously I am not doing it fast enough for her.
“In a minute!” I yell overtop of her continued yells for the waterfall. By the time I have the milk ready and am heading for the stairs I see Lotus snuggled up on the couch.
“Come on, Lotus, we need to go to bed.” Celest sees me stop walking, and she begins to cry about the waterfall again. I half yank Lotus off the couch so that her little feet touch the floor.
As we walk upstairs to the bedroom and the beloved waterfall, the girls grow quiet again. I begin to think about my life again.
Well-intentioned people have told me more times than I can remember, “God never gives us more than we can handle.” I always just smile at them to be polite. I don’t bother to tell them that I am Agnostic. They tell me this because both of my daughters have autism.
They are my only children, and this is the only life that I know with them. They developed typically until they were about 15 months old, but since then temper tantrums, lack of language and communication, sensory sensitivities, and the other manifestations of their autism are normal for us. I don’t want pity or trite phrases. I want answers.
What causes autism is one of the answers I would like. The mystery of why they have it is frustrating to me. I feel that I will never know definitively why they have it. Oh well, it’ll be one of life’s minor nuisances.
Back to pity; I don’t want it or need it. Sure, when you see me walking around dazed, with black rings under my eyes because the girls have been waking up at 2 a.m. for the past three nights and insisting that I get up with them, I may look pitiful. But still, keep the pity for someone else. I love my kids, and I will make it until they get their sleep patterns back on track.
Also, I don’t mind so much only going out one Saturday every three or four months. That’s more than some moms and dads get.
This leads me back to wondering why things happen when and to whom they happen to. Did they get autism because of all the mercury in all of my teeth fillings and their vaccines? Would they have gotten it anyway? What would I do if they didn’t have autism? To me, at this point, their autism is part of them. They wouldn’t be the same kids without their complete lack of shyness and embarrassment. I mean, not very many people can fart quite audibly in public and not feel ashamed. Sure, I get embarrassed for them, but I always wonder why my body and mind do that without me thinking about it consciously.
“Waterfall,” Celest whispers as she falls asleep. The waterfall is on the table in her bedroom. Its little red, blue, and green LEDs flash on and off, making the water seem to change color. The water trickles over blue stones at the base of the waterfall. I lie on the floor and curl up next to the table, lulled into sleepiness by the waterfall that has just soothed both of my daughters to sleep.
Laura Munion is a freelance writer who lives in central Ohio with her daughters, boyfriend, and two dogs. She owns a copywriting and marketing business, L.B.M. Editorial and Writing Services. She also wrote an online course about autism at www.professornow.com.
Posted by Elizabeth Armstrong Moore on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006 | Email This PostThis entry was posted on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006 at 12:02 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
10 Responses to “Waterfalls”
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November 22nd, 2006 at 12:58 pm
I do not know much about autism but raising kids without added issues is tough enough. Please keep writing. Your style is very enjoyable.
November 22nd, 2006 at 4:19 pm
I admire your courage and determination. As a former teacher who had a number of autistic children in my high school classes, I can’t imagine how you do it. You must be a woman with inordinate gifts of love and patience. I salute you,
November 23rd, 2006 at 9:08 am
Great story, great life…I hope you have good friends, I’m almost sure you have, to be beside you, and go-onwith you in this big adventure. Of course all the things have a signifier, but unfortunately, they are not given for us.
keep in touch.
November 23rd, 2006 at 3:49 pm
I too have a daughter who is on the Autism Spectrum with Asperger’s Syndrome. There is a great support network here in Portland Oregon but I’ve found many people all over the US becoming members . It is a Yahoo group called the Portland’s Asperger’s Network. It might help you to learn more about what other partents have found to work at different stages. Good Luck. we that have special needs children need allthe support we can get.
November 23rd, 2006 at 7:43 pm
interesting story.
November 24th, 2006 at 3:40 am
Autism is never a strange occurence, mostly in the western world. Though it is very rare here in Nigeria. It’s weird a behaviour though for children with autism but you have to take it as a cross that you have to bear as you have taken it already.God has a purpose for whatever we come across in life. It could as well be a blessing in disguise, because I’ve read several stories where autistic children turn out to be “Savants”.
November 25th, 2006 at 4:25 am
Having been a high school teaacher for 25 years I have witnessed many autistic children. They are a wonder to behold. They all have seemed to have a 7th or 8th sense. Four years ago I befriended a high school lad as I was substituting (after retiring). There seemed to be a magnatism, a bonding, if you will. We have some of the greatest times. He loves controversy. If I don’t start one , he does. He wants to be a lawyer. I tell him that I would never want to be on the opposite side of the bench against him. He’ll “cream” anyone that opposes him. He was mistreated by his own father for a number of years. He has a twin sister who doesn’t seem to be affected. Autism is a fearful and wonderful condition. Trying, to say the least. Those who are different need love and understanding. Those who have worked and continue to work with these special ones are to be saluted.
November 25th, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Please, continue to take care of your wonderful children. Don’t have them institutionalized. I spent two years in a treatment center, six years later it still haunts me.
November 26th, 2006 at 7:41 am
Do you know about The Option Institute and the book, _Happiness is a Choice_ by Barry Neil Kaufman? It includes the incredible story of how he and his wife were able to break through with their child who suffered with what sounds like severe autism. They have a program for autistic children called “Son-rise,” you can find at the website, www.option.org.
I didn’t think a little kid farting in public seemed like an “autistic” thing. I thought all kids found that kind of thing funny. Even adults make humor of that. But I know very little about autism and what actions give rise to that diagnosis.
November 28th, 2006 at 8:48 am
Your girls are beautiful. I worked with autistic children in my first year out of college. I think about them still almost everyday.