Does God Only Punish?
1989, Pakistan
By Zalmay Basharyar
The mosque I had lived in was three miles from the madrasah. We had to go by foot because it was a mountainous area and vehicles were not available, nor could we come up with the money for one.
I was chanay, the youngest madrasah student who collects food from the entire village for other students to eat. Going to the madrasah, I was tired not only because I had collected the morning food and tea from the village, but also because the Amir had not let me sleep all night. I was sexually abused and hurt and contemplated fleeing the madrasah.
I wanted to cry, but thought it was in vain. The Amir had threatened that if I told someone he would kill me. Besides this, the man in charge of the madrasah was so dangerous, and my father had said to me that I have to study in the madrasah and become a mullah or he would not let me live in his home.
My belief in Allah had ended, too. All night I was calling him inside my little heart and begging for help to save me from that bastard Amir, but Allah did not listen to me.
“Is he sleeping?” I thought once. No! The Holy Quran says God does not sleep, eat, drink, or live like human beings. It says that God is present everywhere, knows everything, and can see anything.
“Then why does he not come and saved me from this Amir?” I asked myself. There was no answer to this question.
When the Amir came to my bed in the night and awakend me with his ugly things, I remembered my teacher who had told us that Ayat ul Kursi keeps all evils and calamities away. I recited this verse immediately but it did not work. The Amir abused me with no mercy.
In the madrasah compound there were hundreds of taliban (see definition below). They were busy in their studies, but when someone looked at me I thought surely he knew about my physical abuse. I was so tired and frustrated and ashamed, so I found a corner, where I wept and then feel asleep.
In my dream the Amir came and the story began again. When he started abusing me I cried with all my might and awakened from the cry. Some taliban were gathered around me laughing. They thought I was going insane.
Suddenly a talib instructed all the taliban to gather in the mosque of the madrasah. It was an order of the Muhtamem in charge of the madrasah. Waves of fear coursed through my body. The Muhtamem was a very strict and angry man. He had punished students to death even on miner faults when he was enraged. I thought he would ask why I was sleeping in the madrasah during study time, and again my heart advised me to flee the madrasah and go home. But there I would find my father, even angrier than the Muhtamem. I preferred the punishment of Muhtamem because, when my father was beating me, my humble and wordless mother would cry with me and get hurt.
When I entered the mosque of the madrasah it was full and the Muhtamem was angrier than ever. I trembled with fear. He began his speech with his rigid and outrageous style. Then he called the Amir of our mosque. The Amir stood, overwhelmed. When the Muhtamem ordered his commandos to punish the Amir in front of all the taliban, three heavy and bodyguard type muscular men came and, after fastening him with a rope to the pillar, began to beat him mercilessly with sticks.
All the students were scared, and I was horrified. I thought they would surely beat me after they beat him because the Muhtamem was staring at me. After 10 minutes the Muhtamem ordered them to stop. The Amir was howling and his nose and hands bled. Then the Muhtamem ordered me to stand.
I stood with trembling legs and pale face. He smiled and continued his speech. “You must not fear. I know all. It is his punishment because he is the sinner. Now he will be sent to prison. That is a lesson for all the taliban. You must not commit any sin anywhere, anytime. I go to every village and mosque in the nights. You must remember that. If someone does anything wrong he will be punished like this.”
“God was not sleeping, he was looking,” I tell myself when I remember this incident.
“Then why did he not save me?” my heart asks. “Does he only punish?”
This question is still not answered.
Editor’s Note: Most Westerners are familiar with the US Catholic church sex abuse scandals and the suggestion that certain church members protected some of the priests involved. Charges have also been made of sexual (and physical) abuse against Muslim madrasahs (schools) in both the United Kingdom and Pakistan. This is one man’s first-hand account.
Key to terms:
Madrasah: Islamic seminary. Government madrasahs are funded by Islamic governments and private madrasahs are owned by Mullahs. Private madrasahs have a very old system of collecting food and money from people to pay for their expenses.
Talib: Islamic student. Its plural is taliban. The militant movement in Afghanistan calls itself the Taliban because the men were brought up in madrasahs.
Chanay: The younger talib who collects food and other things from the village for other taliban of the mosque or madrasah. They are usually teenagers.
Amir: Head of the taliban in a mosque or madrasah.
Mullah: A religious scholar.
Ayat ul Kursi: A verse from the Albaqara chapter of the Quran.
Muhtamem: Arabic word meaning Executive. This person is in charge of the madrasah.
Zalmay Basharyar, an Afghan journalist, is currently writing a novel about the madrasah life. He is using a pseudonym.
Posted by Elizabeth Armstrong Moore on Thursday, December 7th, 2006 | Email This PostThis entry was posted on Thursday, December 7th, 2006 at 12:03 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
18 Responses to “Does God Only Punish?”
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December 7th, 2006 at 9:22 am
A wonderfully written story! Expressions such as “wordless mother” and “my heart advised me…” spoke volumes, and the suspense is almost too much to bear. As reader, I felt your fear in the assembly, waiting to be called out and also punished. Excellent writing!
No, God does not only punish. God also allows our our stories to help set others free, if we are willing to be used in that way. Your pen may be the key that unlocks the chains on someone else’s shackles.
I’m glad you wrote this and submitted it, so the rest of us could read it. May God bring to this website many who need their shackles removed!
December 7th, 2006 at 4:44 pm
Thank you for your beautifully written story! I am also a child sexual abuse survivor. I was abused by my uncle. As a Christian I have asked the same questions you have asked. Both the Bible and Quran say that God is everywhere and is love. God was with us for He kept us from losing our minds. He has given us a voice, via writing, to tell our stories. We must keep doing so, if only to help one person. And we must speak out on behalf of children. They are the ones who suffer the most in this world.
December 8th, 2006 at 5:05 am
A very nice story by Zalmay Bashar yar I hope that he will complate his story book on madrasa life. In pakistan and Afghanistan the poor children have only one option, to go to Madrassa.
Now it is time to high light the miseries of those thousends of children living like slaven in the dark corners(The Madrassas).
think you Bashar yar for this good work.
H Bajauri
December 9th, 2006 at 11:51 am
Sorry for you,
According to religions the believers have to think that Allah=The God gives time to sinners but is not remiss. Your case is really one of the worst cases that can happen but still you must not lose your faith.Please also do not think that it is easy to talk if you did not live such a thing. If the punishment of sins were given simultenously then the world would not be a place of examination.Sometimes dictators like Hitler,Musolini ,Saddam stay in power for long periods and give a lot of harm to humanity and we ask where the justice of Allah=The God is ,but this fleeting world where we are examined has this system. If you are patient you pass your exam and if the other person still keeps on doing his sin he loses his exam. There is no doubt that they are punished in front of our very eyes sooner or later.There are devils disguised with various masks in every religion whereas there are people who bear the love of Allah=The God 24 hours. You can not know them from their faces.
I am really sorry for you once more.
I still think that Madrassas are places where children knowAllah=The God and become solid citizens in future and only Madrasass( according to their beliefs) can save also the Western young generation who can not cope with drugs&sexual perversions& Aids&antisocial behaviours&aggression& other immoral behaviours.
Ibrahim
December 9th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
As-Salama ‘alaykum, Ibrahim,
I have great esteem for Islam, but I do not believe that “Only Madrassas can save the Western Young generation who can not cope with drugs & sexual perversions….”
Madrassas may serve that function, but so do other groups and religions.
December 10th, 2006 at 2:46 am
Aleykum Selam = May God’s Peace be upon you and to all other siblings on the world……..
That’s what I meant when I wrote “Madrassas( according to their beliefs)”. As you know we moslems already accept Jesus as a prophet, Bible as the words of Allah=The God, and churches as houses of Gods.In addittion we say Allah=The God has sent Prophet Mohammed to complete what he sent by Prophet Jesus because there are more than 4000 different Bibles now(only one can be the real words of God -which the Moslems believe it as Barnabas Gospel- and the rest naturally are human interpolations).Although Moslems read Bible why do our Christian siblings not read “Holy Qoran” where I think&hope they will find solutions to cope with the capitalist system and the problems like drugs&sexual perversions& Aids&antisocial behaviours&aggression& obesity& and soul illnesses(like dissatisfaction&greediness&gossiping&jealousy&stinginess&selfishness&anger&grudge) it has within and only schools teaching Allah=The God’s rules can help them .
Best Regards,
Ibrahim
December 10th, 2006 at 5:09 am
Dear Ibrahim, I think you dont know about Islam and moslems. Moslems believe in Injeel (Bible) a word from God, but they prevent to read it after the creation of Islam. You can’t even keep a bible in your house in Saudi Arabia. There is a law in many moslem countries to kill the moslem person if a bible or other Christian and Judism books were found in his house. If a moslem converted to another religion, Islam orders to killed him.
December 10th, 2006 at 11:06 am
Dear Noorin,
I live in Turkey which has made the \”Caliphate(leaderness)\” of Islam for 3 centuries. In our country if you go to Nursing Homes of the state you will see that a church, a mosque and a synagogue stand adjacent to each other.If you walk along our biggest street\”Istiklal Caddesi\” of our biggest city Istanbul you will see 5 big churches of different sects of Christianity and only one mosque whereas in some European countries they are still discussing if mosques should be made in their cities.There are also some Turks who have converted to Christianity. You may have met some bad applications accidentally but Islam is a tolerant religion and in Koran Allah= The God says \”There is no pressure in Islam\”.
And please if you are saying the statement below is true ,prove by solid&concrete examples so that we can also be illuminated :
\”There is a law in many moslem countries to kill the moslem person if a bible or other Christian and Judism books were found in his house. If a moslem converted to another religion, Islam orders to killed him.\”
Again on the same street you will see the \”Holly Book Publishing Company\” which only prints Bible and sells on the shop in the biggest street of Istanbul whereas many missioners of different sects of Christianity can make propaganda very freely.
People like Roger Garaudy(The leader of the French Communist Party and the biggest philosoph of our century), Cat Stevens, Michael Jackson,Kaka( The Brasilian Footballer of Milan),Mohammed Ali,Mike Tyson (The Boxer),Karim Abdüljabbar,Shaqie O\’neal and many celebrities&normal people would not choose Islam by their own will if Islam was so harsh&bad.
For this reason UNESCO has named 2007 International Year of Rumi(my grand grand father proudly)Islamic Sufi mystic whose exquisite metaphors of ecstatic divine love resonate all the more powerfully in today’s troubled times.
I hope Saudi Arabia( where I have worked for 3 months in 1981 and have not met such things) also becomes more tolerant if things ara as bad as you say.
Salaam ! Shalom. Om Shanti Shanti. Let there be Peace
December 10th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
My thoughts go out to you as I read your words, I too know the monsters of the night. may you find courage and strength in the good and wholesome love of others and may peace reign in your heart
Regards and best wishes from New Zealand
December 11th, 2006 at 12:16 am
Thanks cordially Heather .
The same wishes to you and to all of our siblings in the world with a saying from Rumi-one of the great spiritual masters and poetical geniuses of mankind- :
“Reason is powerless in the expression of Love. Love alone is capable of revealing the truth of Love and being a Lover. The way of our prophets is the way of Truth. If you want to live, die in Love; die in Love if you want to remain alive.”
and a poem from him again :
Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,
Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen. Not any religion
or cultural system. I am not from the East
or the West, not out of the ocean or up
from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not
composed of elements at all. I do not exist,
am not an entity in this world or the next,
did not descend from Adam and Eve or any
origin story. My place is placeless, a trace
of the traceless. Neither body or soul.
I belong to the beloved, have seen the two
worlds as one and that one call to and know,
first, last, outer, inner, only that
breath breathing human being.
December 13th, 2006 at 10:42 am
This is a very heart wrenching story and very well written. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My daughter was molested by her father when she was two and again when she was four. I fought the good fight in the court system but in the case of incest of a small child without physical evidence it is very difficult to prove. She had developed a speech delay as a result of the abuse and to this day has an extreme fear of going to the bathroom. She remembers only bits and pieces of the acts. And she did not know that it was wrong. She thought it was love. Thankfully the stand I had taken caused the sexual abuse to end and helped my daughter to understand what good touch and bad touch is. What kept me going through all of this was my faith in Christ and reading God’s word which is “sharper than any two edge sword.” John 10:10 states that the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Jesus came to give life and more abundantly. I can assure you we have a good God who loves all of us. Satan’s plans against me and my daughter were twarted and I know that my real justice comes from God. You are in my prayers! Thank you for sharing your story with us.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:50 am
Thank you for the enlightening story, Ibrahim.
I hope you have peace in your heart now. I regret your suffering.
I wish you contentment, and thank you and your guest commenters for all the information.
December 20th, 2006 at 1:55 am
DEAR JET G,
IT IS NOT MY STORY.I THINK YOU DID NOT READ MY COMMENTS. THANKS ANYWAY FOR REFLECTING YOUR CORDIAL FEELINGS.
BEST REGARDS
January 8th, 2007 at 5:12 am
I am relieved that the site’s administrators have pointed out that the story of abuse by clergy extends to Christianity, and that it is not limited to Madrassas. The clergy is mortal, and all religious institutions need systems of control on their authority. Governance should be secular and the laity should attach values to spirituality and to service, rather than to the pomp and ceremony of relgious offices. However, physical abuse is not a route to indoctrination, so it would be naive to assume that the Taliban is merely a bunch of sodomized youth. Madrassas seem to be able to portray the west in manners which ingrain deep hatred.
February 13th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
God doesn’t only punish. He is entirely full of love but because of all the wrongdoing people commit themselves to, God uses you to convey a message by giving you the ability to write and the courage to stand up and be counted as an instrument of love.
February 19th, 2007 at 4:56 am
Child abuse is to be condemned wherever, whatever and whoever does it…my heart goes out to the young boy, who is hardly older than my daughter, and I do think God knows but bides his time for some reason, which we should not question.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:52 am
God / Allah does punish. it does not exist as simple as this . it is just a big lie many people are hiding behing and using to gain power or money or priviledges instead of working honestly for a living .
February 14th, 2008 at 10:38 am
@ Ibrahim
” As you know we moslems already accept Jesus as a prophet,”
But that is an enormous insult, a blasphemy for christians, CHRIST is de Lord GOD of christians/Christianity.
The Qur’an is a Heresy (Falsification) of Christendom and Judaisme wherein the Holy Books, New Testament & Old Testament were twisted to suit Islam. Therefore it is not the Quran that ‘completed’ the N.T. & O.T. - but the other way around: Islam needed the N.T. & O.T. to complete the Quran. And the reason why christians ‘do not want to read the Quran’.'Jezus’in the Quran is not only an insult to Jesus-CHRIST but to christians.
“the capitalist system”
Why do you think millions of Turks come to Europe other than that they want to enjoy ‘the capitalist system’ there?
“the problems like drugs”
half Afghanistan and 1/4 of Iran is on the “drugs” - also in Marocco and Turkey.
It is muslims who are known in Europe for their “anti-social behaviour and agression” - including murder, ‘jihad’, threathening people with violence.
“sexual perversions”
‘Mohammed the prophet was a pedophile and married a girl of 9-years old - ‘Aisha’ - reason why small girls are still married off to other children ánd to old man like Mohammed. Homosexuality is wide-spread in Islamic countries because young men are deprived of sex with their sex hormones raging through their bodies they have no other choice than homo-sexuality and masturbation.
“gossiping”- muslim women can’t move without being gossipped about by other muslim woomen and men. Our women’s refugees are filled to the brim with muslim girls and women who have fled from violence at home. So what are you talking about? “Obsity”" - look at fat muslim women! “stinginess”- we give miljhards of Euro’s to underdevelopped countries - including Turkey; they is an awfull lot of private charity. Europe has very good social services, pension, free hospitals - nót the Islamic world.
You must be véry young not to know what the world is really like - and not to understand the Quran - our enemy - proven by christians being murdered by muslims and that not only in Turkey.