Comments on: Staring at the Barrel of a Gun http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/ Listen to stories on anything from honeymoons to WWII, from award-winning journalists to first-time writers alike, from anywhere in the world. Sun, 14 Mar 2010 10:43:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Emma Friedland http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-941 Fri, 15 Dec 2006 03:39:50 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-941 I'm trying to find the best way to say this. Dave, if you need to "exercise control" to avoid striking your wife, I strongly advise you to find someone whom you can trust to help you work through some of the pain you experienced during your childhood and in your current life. Good relationships don't require great effort in order not to veer into violence. It is painful to live with anger inside oneself. You should not have to do so anymore. I’m trying to find the best way to say this. Dave, if you need to “exercise control” to avoid striking your wife, I strongly advise you to find someone whom you can trust to help you work through some of the pain you experienced during your childhood and in your current life. Good relationships don’t require great effort in order not to veer into violence. It is painful to live with anger inside oneself. You should not have to do so anymore.

]]> by: Marilyn Haight http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-932 Thu, 14 Dec 2006 23:30:08 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-932 Thank you for your comments, Shirley and Pat. Dave, I appreciate your questions and this opportunity to shed more light on the subject. Shortly after this incident, he had a breakdown (I was the second wife to have left him abruptly). He was diagnosed as a violent schizophrenic and institutionalized. There were no triggers; a period of good times would be interrupted by a string of bad days for no apparent reason—the violent behavior was unpredictable. He had concealed his condition from me during the year-and-a-half years we dated and the first three weeks of our marriage. He probably should have been on medication since he was a teenager but his parents denied anything was wrong with their son—to the point of signing him out of the institution against medical advice. Thank you for your comments, Shirley and Pat.

Dave, I appreciate your questions and this opportunity to shed more light on the subject. Shortly after this incident, he had a breakdown (I was the second wife to have left him abruptly). He was diagnosed as a violent schizophrenic and institutionalized. There were no triggers; a period of good times would be interrupted by a string of bad days for no apparent reason—the violent behavior was unpredictable. He had concealed his condition from me during the year-and-a-half years we dated and the first three weeks of our marriage. He probably should have been on medication since he was a teenager but his parents denied anything was wrong with their son—to the point of signing him out of the institution against medical advice.

]]> by: Dave Stauffer http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-927 Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:50:15 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-927 I,m curious, what made him behave in such a way? Was it his upbringing? Was he an evil man? Was he always this way and just concealed it from you? Whenever I hear stories of domestic violence, I often revert back to my childhood. No matter what, if my father came home with alcohol on his breath, my mother would criticize and badger him until his anger was out of control and he would lash out. He was wrong! But she frequently provoked him. My wife does the same to me, criticizes and nags until I am furious with her, but, I have exercised enough control over thirty years of marriage never to strike her although I have felt like it many times. Were you a button pusher? No condemnation here, just curious. In any event, he was wrong to hit you, and especially to point a gun at you. You were right to leave him, your life was at risk. Two sides to every coin. I,m curious, what made him behave in such a way? Was it his upbringing? Was he an evil man? Was he always this way and just concealed it from you? Whenever I hear stories of domestic violence, I often revert back to my childhood. No matter what, if my father came home with alcohol on his breath, my mother would criticize and badger him until his anger was out of control and he would lash out.
He was wrong! But she frequently provoked him. My wife does the same to me, criticizes and nags until I am furious with her, but, I have exercised enough control over thirty years of marriage never to strike her although I have felt like it many times. Were you a button pusher? No condemnation here, just curious. In any event, he was wrong to hit you, and especially to point a gun at you. You were right to leave him, your life was at risk. Two sides to every coin.

]]> by: Patricia Gable http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-923 Thu, 14 Dec 2006 20:01:23 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-923 My insides are still quivering from the enormity of this situation. To have someone you once loved and trusted violate you in such a perverse way is hard to believe. Your remarkable resilience is amazing. Bravo to you and your story! My insides are still quivering from the enormity of this situation. To have someone you once loved and trusted violate you in such a perverse way is hard to believe. Your remarkable resilience is amazing. Bravo to you and your story!

]]> by: Shirley Clark http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-921 Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:14:29 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2006/12/14/staring-at-the-barrel-of-a-gun/#comment-921 Marilyn, what an amazing story; I could almost feel your fear and the suspense in the room. You do have a way with words. And congratulations on standing up for yourself--you're a winner. Marilyn, what an amazing story; I could almost feel your fear and the suspense in the room. You do have a way with words. And congratulations on standing up for yourself–you’re a winner.

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