Comments on: Good Intentions http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/ Listen to stories on anything from honeymoons to WWII, from award-winning journalists to first-time writers alike, from anywhere in the world. Thu, 09 Sep 2010 14:36:38 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Karen http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-11579 Sun, 15 Apr 2007 05:09:04 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-11579 Marla, since I've been away, I'm just catching up to reading this story. All I can think is how God has brought you through so many traumatic moments and how the comfort with which He has comforted you is touching others. I see how my signature verse, Jeremiah 29:11, is playing out in your life. Beautiful writing, Marla, from a beautiful person. Marla, since I’ve been away, I’m just catching up to reading this story. All I can think is how God has brought you through so many traumatic moments and how the comfort with which He has comforted you is touching others. I see how my signature verse, Jeremiah 29:11, is playing out in your life. Beautiful writing, Marla, from a beautiful person.

]]> by: Boo http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-11547 Sat, 14 Apr 2007 06:58:11 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-11547 I need an analogy right near (either before or behind) the moment of \"entry\". I\'m thinking between your feelings/sensory details and some thing precise that would give momentum to the imagery/setting tone (it might twist the existing terms a little by application of the implied definitions in the analogy). The abrupt stop would be heightened/deepened in a way that you chose. So the detail of the second half of the analogy would need to be exceedingly well thought out. I couldn\'t do it! You could though. Oh, you know I love it as it is. But this is the kind of thing I thought you might like! Oh, and about that fantasy/what\'s real/what\'s propagated stuff. It\'s an interesting interplay of mixed concepts. The fantasy is the way it actually works just blown up real big, (you know guys and sizes). And it\'s that way not for just heteros either, and give it five and you\'ll think of like six more species outside your window that are the same. Anyway, that\'s not what happens in rape. And the Talmud was before its time for sure. So without a more defined concept of what rape is someone without that knowledge (through self, friend, or relative. Think about that. A ton of women don\'t tell until they\'ve had a few and are girl talking. Lots of guys have no idea if their wife or girlfriend has been raped.), a person would constantly be relating it to every other concept it could to find a match. And the fantasy does come the closest in terminology and vocabulary. Even if two completely different things are happening as well there are so many other links in common. But it isn\'t the fantasy or it propagation that causes this or permits or gives the impression that rape s going to be like that. Other wise it wouldn\'t be illegal. It\'s a whole different thing. That analogy. It could go a long way toward bridging that gap because it seems like everyone wants to try to understand something better. Or did. This is too old eh? Where the hell was I? I\'m using profanities now. Thanks! Hey, you know what? I have had too much to drink just now. I\'m such a sinner. I will get to the other one tomorrow. I am so excited to read it! Thank you for sending me these links! Got about fourteen classes scored tonight. I am not in my right mind I tell you! But still, you keep doing this please! I need an analogy right near (either before or behind) the moment of \”entry\”. I\’m thinking between your feelings/sensory details and some thing precise that would give momentum to the imagery/setting tone (it might twist the existing terms a little by application of the implied definitions in the analogy). The abrupt stop would be heightened/deepened in a way that you chose. So the detail of the second half of the analogy would need to be exceedingly well thought out. I couldn\’t do it! You could though.

Oh, you know I love it as it is. But this is the kind of thing I thought you might like!

Oh, and about that fantasy/what\’s real/what\’s propagated stuff. It\’s an interesting interplay of mixed concepts. The fantasy is the way it actually works just blown up real big, (you know guys and sizes). And it\’s that way not for just heteros either, and give it five and you\’ll think of like six more species outside your window that are the same. Anyway, that\’s not what happens in rape. And the Talmud was before its time for sure.

So without a more defined concept of what rape is someone without that knowledge (through self, friend, or relative. Think about that. A ton of women don\’t tell until they\’ve had a few and are girl talking. Lots of guys have no idea if their wife or girlfriend has been raped.), a person would constantly be relating it to every other concept it could to find a match. And the fantasy does come the closest in terminology and vocabulary. Even if two completely different things are happening as well there are so many other links in common.

But it isn\’t the fantasy or it propagation that causes this or permits or gives the impression that rape s going to be like that. Other wise it wouldn\’t be illegal.

It\’s a whole different thing.

That analogy. It could go a long way toward bridging that gap because it seems like everyone wants to try to understand something better. Or did.

This is too old eh? Where the hell was I? I\’m using profanities now. Thanks!

Hey, you know what? I have had too much to drink just now. I\’m such a sinner.

I will get to the other one tomorrow. I am so excited to read it! Thank you for sending me these links!

Got about fourteen classes scored tonight. I am not in my right mind I tell you!

But still, you keep doing this please!

]]> by: colleen http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-10435 Sun, 08 Apr 2007 00:41:04 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-10435 I was hoping this was a fictional writing, except it felt very real as I read it. I do believe rape is the single worst act someone can commit. How you wrote this, Marla, is beautiful. You did such a great job. Very easy to follow and to get right into the heart and pain of your story. Plus you were able to portray the rapest as a confused person, which must be hard to do from your position. love to you! Colleen I was hoping this was a fictional writing, except it felt very real as I read it. I do believe rape is the single worst act someone can commit.

How you wrote this, Marla, is beautiful. You did such a great job. Very easy to follow and to get right into the heart and pain of your story. Plus you were able to portray the rapest as a confused person, which must be hard to do from your position. love to you! Colleen

]]> by: Mohammad \ http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9496 Thu, 05 Apr 2007 03:15:42 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9496 I just want to know what happened afterwards. I hope he spent a long, long time in prison. You are a wonderful person, Marla, and I\'m glad beyond words that you survived an ordeal like this and were able to continue living, and especially having recovered enough to be able to share it in an entry as detailed as this. I was literally shaking as I read this. Take care. I just want to know what happened afterwards. I hope he spent a long, long time in prison.
You are a wonderful person, Marla, and I\’m glad beyond words that you survived an ordeal like this and were able to continue living, and especially having recovered enough to be able to share it in an entry as detailed as this. I was literally shaking as I read this.

Take care.

]]> by: cindy lincoln http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9393 Wed, 04 Apr 2007 23:54:30 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9393 You write so beautifully and vividly. I have known way too many people like that man. ~sigh~ I feel everything you write, so sometimes it takes me a minute to be able to respond the way I want to. Keep writing! You write so beautifully and vividly. I have known way too many people like that man. ~sigh~ I feel everything you write, so sometimes it takes me a minute to be able to respond the way I want to. Keep writing!

]]> by: Good Sharon http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9191 Tue, 03 Apr 2007 21:37:00 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9191 You have shown how a twisted mind makes his actions reasonable and even "natural"....He believes he is doing a "good" thing for you..... I admire your writing for its brevity but all the emotion is there. Everything we need to know ....a trait I can't seem to master! I might have ended with his saying "Tonight, it will be better" though and cut the last paragraph....that's pretty chilling that a "tonight" is planned already..... You have shown how a twisted mind makes his actions reasonable and even “natural”….He believes he is doing a “good” thing for you…..

I admire your writing for its brevity but all the emotion is there. Everything we need to know ….a trait I can’t seem to master!

I might have ended with his saying “Tonight, it will be better” though and cut the last paragraph….that’s pretty chilling that a “tonight” is planned already…..

]]> by: Mr. t http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9040 Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:16:16 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-9040 Marla, you are incredibly strong. Your message helps to evoke the changes that are very necessary. Godspeed for that change to come. Marla, you are incredibly strong. Your message helps to evoke the changes that are very necessary. Godspeed for that change to come.

]]> by: Sherry http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-8687 Mon, 02 Apr 2007 00:22:39 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-8687 I'll bet if we all sat down and talked this out, we'd be closer to agreement than anything else. It is true that the idea that women secretly want to be raped is prevalent in a lot of what I'll call "trashy" literature, and possibly in some myths and such. It is an idea that we need to resist completely. Given the emotional and psychological nature of sex--for women, at least--it is right next to impossible for me to believe that any woman might begin to "enjoy" rape. If I am reading correctly, we all agree on this point. I think it is a testament to the power of this story that it has provoked such conversation. It's a conversation that needs to go on in lots of places so that women will be encouraged to speak out and men will be shown the truth. I do believe, however, that most of the time rape is violence, and sex is merely the weapon. People given to violence are rarely persuaded by reason. I’ll bet if we all sat down and talked this out, we’d be closer to agreement than anything else. It is true that the idea that women secretly want to be raped is prevalent in a lot of what I’ll call “trashy” literature, and possibly in some myths and such. It is an idea that we need to resist completely. Given the emotional and psychological nature of sex–for women, at least–it is right next to impossible for me to believe that any woman might begin to “enjoy” rape. If I am reading correctly, we all agree on this point.
I think it is a testament to the power of this story that it has provoked such conversation. It’s a conversation that needs to go on in lots of places so that women will be encouraged to speak out and men will be shown the truth. I do believe, however, that most of the time rape is violence, and sex is merely the weapon. People given to violence are rarely persuaded by reason.

]]> by: Jay D. Homnick http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-8617 Sun, 01 Apr 2007 20:20:35 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-8617 Oh, incidentally, to clarify a point that readers might have misunderstood. What you said, Marla, that women do not begin to enjoy it partway through and that only a sick male fantasy creates that notion, is exactly the point I was quoting from the Talmud. By establishing a legal premise that a rape is determined by the first moment, they cut off that male fantasy of thinking they will undo the rape by being gentle after the initial duress. This was a remarkably progressive view, light years ahead of its time. (I should point out that the Talmud claims not to be making anything up but merely recording the traditions behind Biblical texts. In other words, if you believe the Talmud, Jews have advanced this principle for all 3300 years of their history. If you don't, then you still have to give them the 1500 years since the Talmud was written.) Oh, incidentally, to clarify a point that readers might have misunderstood.

What you said, Marla, that women do not begin to enjoy it partway through and that only a sick male fantasy creates that notion, is exactly the point I was quoting from the Talmud. By establishing a legal premise that a rape is determined by the first moment, they cut off that male fantasy of thinking they will undo the rape by being gentle after the initial duress.

This was a remarkably progressive view, light years ahead of its time. (I should point out that the Talmud claims not to be making anything up but merely recording the traditions behind Biblical texts. In other words, if you believe the Talmud, Jews have advanced this principle for all 3300 years of their history. If you don’t, then you still have to give them the 1500 years since the Talmud was written.)

]]> by: Jay D. Homnick http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-8616 Sun, 01 Apr 2007 20:04:52 +0000 http://www.commonties.com/blog/2007/03/27/good-intentions/#comment-8616 Marla, I am talking about doing things in the broader society to protect people like you. Those kind of messages in TV and movies do affect people's behavior. As one commentator brilliantly said: "TV claims their programming does not influence social behavior. Then they charge you a million dollars for sixty seconds of advertising on the premise that it influences social behavior. They can't have it both ways." Again, I am talking about altering social constructs to protect people in your position. That does not excuse any individual from culpability or mitigate it in any way. This is something any sociologist (or lexicographer) can tell you will make a real difference. When the culture bands together to use certain words only in one way, those words gain a greater power by their clearer definition. Marla, I am talking about doing things in the broader society to protect people like you.

Those kind of messages in TV and movies do affect people’s behavior. As one commentator brilliantly said: “TV claims their programming does not influence social behavior. Then they charge you a million dollars for sixty seconds of advertising on the premise that it influences social behavior. They can’t have it both ways.”

Again, I am talking about altering social constructs to protect people in your position. That does not excuse any individual from culpability or mitigate it in any way.

This is something any sociologist (or lexicographer) can tell you will make a real difference. When the culture bands together to use certain words only in one way, those words gain a greater power by their clearer definition.

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