Mother Principals
1995 to present, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
By Rita Billbe
Outside the inner workings of any high school, people believe that principals hibernate in their offices, see only thugs who misbehave, and never form relationships with decent, hardworking students.
Nothing could be further from reality. Teenagers often come to school with little support at home, empty emotional cups, and few role models. Competent leaders pride themselves on rapport established with all types of students, spend more time in the halls than in their offices, and become surrogate parents.
In 1995, at Oklahoma City’s largest high school, I struggled to play this type of role as an academic administrator. Although I understood the difficulty of students’ attention to their studies, I retained high hopes for the usual sequence: obtain a diploma, attend college – or at least set goals beyond fast-food work.
Students, however, don’t always fit in our preconceived molds. Their burdens often make traditional education a poor substitute for what they really need: a supportive and encouraging parent.
I first met Ivana after discussing notes she had written her science teacher. The teacher, thinking that the 11th grader was interested in her as more of a friend or older sister than an instructor, felt uncomfortable and sought my assistance.
I soon discovered that Ivana needed someone who cares. Her mother didn’t seem to, and she didn’t mention her father.
Even without family support, Ivana held a job in a child development center. She also participated in dance, yearbook, journalism, and student council activities. She ranked in the top 3 percent of her class. And outside of her African-American circle of friends, she related well to students in white, Hispanic, and Asian social groups.
Ivana wore clean clothing, and she twisted her hair into small tufts. Her large, sparkling dark eyes complemented her thin cheekbones, yet I sensed despair. She seemed to be hanging on by a thread. Would she have the strength to continue?
I wanted to make a difference in her life. I always spoke with her and gave her quick hugs in the crowded hallway, and I kept surreptitious checks on her grades and behavior. She often sent me little notes, and she appeared encouraged by my extra attention.
Since I had become her self-appointed mentor, I expected to see her graduate the following year. With her high class ranking and leadership abilities, the diploma should open the door to a bright future, I thought. As an 11th grader, she had several opportunities to take the ACT. The counselors and I would encourage her, find scholarships, and send her off to college.
My presumptions were off. During the third quarter of that year, as I walked into my assistant principal’s office one day, I saw Ivana leaving. I stopped her, and she explained information gleaned from my second-in-command about leaving school and obtaining a General Equivalency Diploma. Knowing that few students followed through with this idea, I lectured her long and hard.
“You’re college material. You have excellent scores and great extracurricular assets.” I droned on and on.
“Well, I’ll think about it,” she said, but she appeared torn between the option Darrel Palmer had presented her with and my nickel’s worth.
I got a wake-up call when I confronted Darrel about the GED idea. He patiently explained to me that Ivana’s mother was an alcoholic likely headed for tragedy. The young woman, who simply couldn’t tolerate her family environment any longer, planned to leave home, study the GED manuals, take the test, and attend community college. If she proved successful, she could go to a state college or university after two years.
Darrel believed that Ivana was tenacious enough to succeed. I wasn’t so sure.
Neither of us was correct. When Ivana did her own research, the two largest state universities rejected her GED application. They said she was too young and should wait until the age of 21.
Somehow, she managed to prove them wrong, took the GED, and passed. A state college accepted her application, with probation and an agreement to receive counseling during the first semester. Maintaining a 3.4 grade point average, she didn’t need counseling.
Not long after I began an assignment at a different, alternative school, Ivana began to call me periodically with updates on her college career. “I’m gonna be a counselor at a camp for handicapped kids this summer. I think I’ll become a special-education teacher,” she said during one phone call. During the next conversation, she said, “It’s crazy and noisy here in the dorm, but I’m having fun. And don’t worry; my grades are still good!”
My heart lifted at each of her accomplishments. Her excitement strengthened my determination after spending discouraging days with kids in the alternative system. There were others out there who could make it too, if I could keep their heads above the muddied waters of poor attendance, gang activity, unsupported pregnancy, and drug abuse.
Later, I was reassigned back to my original high-school position. Here, the special-education department was exemplary, filled with successful teachers who cared deeply about their students. I wasn’t surprised that Ivana chose us for her student-teaching experience.
We didn’t spend much time together, for my job kept me on the go from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. many days. Still, we often gleaned “quality time” together during lunch. I kept an eye out for sneaky smokers on the patio as we sat on a concrete bench in the sunshine, sharing our day’s events.
By the fall, Ivana had a teaching job at a district middle school. I marveled at her maturity. Her logic dictated that she should teach younger teens, not those close to her in age. The skinny, determined girl had succeeded; she soon began teaching only two blocks from where she left high school her junior year.
In 1999, I began to prepare for my retirement. Ivana’s return to college signaled a desire for a master’s degree and a principal’s certification. In May, just before retiring, I endured my most life-altering event: the loss of our 19-year-old son to a drunk driver.
Months later, my husband and I stepped out of a courthouse elevator for the preliminary phase of the driver’s trial. Our supporters gathered in the hallway.
Waiting with the others was Ivana, a beautiful young woman with professional attire, glossy hair extensions and the same sparkling dark eyes.
My pain diminished with the comfort of her strong hug. Through 31 more months of trial misery, she attended when she could, embracing both of us and maintaining a consoling presence in the courtroom.
Since then, she’s has held several teaching positions, and she has begun her pursuit of a doctorate degree. As always, she attacks each job with humor and dedication to the needs of learning-disabled students. Each principal relies heavily on her supervision of students’ special-education skills. Bricks of hard work, high energy, and compassion are building a foundation for Ivana’s future administrative career.
Throughout the years of our relationship, she always struggled – as many former students do – with what to call me. Sometimes she called me Mrs. Billbe, sometimes Ms. B.
Life has come full circle. She’s triumphed over the obstacles of her childhood. I’ve survived the death of a child.
And now she just calls me Mom.
Rita Billbe is a retired high-school principal. She and her husband own a resort, Angels Retreat, on the White River in Arkansas.
Posted by Elizabeth Armstrong Moore on Friday, May 18th, 2007 | Email This PostThis entry was posted on Friday, May 18th, 2007 at 12:01 am. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
31 Responses to “Mother Principals”
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May 18th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Wonderful, heartfelt story.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Rita, the more I learn about you, the more I admire you. I knew you were talented
vocalist, and an author, but this article is just great! Thanks for putting it where
others can learn of your great caring for others.
May 18th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Now the rest of the world can know what we already know - you are awesome!
May 18th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Impact - you had it in OK. You have it here.
Focus - Ditto.
Compassion - Ditto.
Willingness to serve - Ditto.
Intrigued by challenges - Ditto.
Your toolbox is pretty full, Rita Those of us who benefit from your use of those tools are blessed.
Having a positive impact on our fellow human beings is, perhaps, the single most important and most honorable achievement any of us can hope for. Your lifestyle provides a wonderful example of that achievement for all of us to follow.
Thanks -
Ted
May 18th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Rita, this story is so inspiring. Ivana was so very fortunate to have had you in her life when she needed that extra support and encouragement. Thank you for not giving up on her. This is proof that one person can make a huge difference in someone’s life if they care enough. God bless.
May 18th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Dear Rita, Being a teacher, I can relate to your story without hesitation. It is such a rewarding thing to do.. Saving someone from what seems inevitable to happen, since so many times they know nothing else but failure. We have also lost 2 children and it does take a lot of faith to get through but I keep believing he will not give us more to bear than we can handle with his help. God be with you. Love, Bonnie
May 19th, 2007 at 7:17 am
Rita,
What a beautiful and heart warming story.
We all wonder if we might ever make a difference in someone\\\’s life. Clearly you were able to accomplish that goal.
Ivana\\\’s story is truly a testiment to you both.
Many kuddos to Ivana for her courage, determination and talent for achieving her goals and the same to you, my friend, for your depth of caring, and sweet spirit that you so freely give to others.
Your \\\”sister - in Christ\\\”,
Jill
(\\\\o/)
May 19th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Rita,
What a wonderful story! How much you have been willing to give ! (My philosophy has always been that a teacher with nothing of herself to give is worthless). You’ve made a difference in countless lives. Thanks for sharing this heart warming story. Love, J
May 19th, 2007 at 10:39 am
What a wonderful tale of how you touched and followed this remarkable young woman. Can you possibly imagine the lives you have touched without even knowing? I’m one of them. Thank you dear friend for that all that you give us without knowing.
May 20th, 2007 at 8:20 am
Rita, when you sent me the link to your story, I was expecting something related to fishing. After reading your atory, I’m sitting here with tears flowing down my face.
Every child, regardless of their home situation, shoud have a mentor like you. It is people like you who make a difference in this crazy world and you are to be commended. I would also be willing to bet tht Ivana was not the only young person to benefit from your counsel.
Your story should be shared with the whole world.
May 20th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I first met Rita when I took over the middle school where she was principal when she was promoted to a high school position. Throughout my principalship and further into my life, she mentored me. She is the kind of woman who personifies the service of the Lord.
Time and distance separate us now; but when I read this story, it brought the feeling of Rita back… and that is a blessing indeed.
May 20th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Great story and great job of writing. There are so many that do not follow through due to lack of simple moral support and love for humankind. Knowing Rita since college, I know she renders the truth in human love and support that when accepted can make the difference in a life of need.
Keep up the good work. Hope to hear more true-to-life stories from Rita.
Ed Wehrenberg
May 20th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Rita.
This doesn\’t surprise me at all. I\’ve watched you talk to kids. I saw this in you during the couple of years I worked at Northwest Classen under your supervision. Many former students I\’ve talked to over the years mention a teacher, counselor or principal who\’ve made a REAL difference in their lives and careers. Sometimes you\’re the one. Reading your article reminds me of my former colleagues who fit this mold for their students, and you would remember many of them. It makes me glad that some people teach for the sheer joy of it. Thanks for the article. I feel reassured.
John
May 20th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Dear Friend,
How can I possibly discover words that can say anything that hasn’t been said by the others of your admirers, after reading this wonderful work of art!! How simply grand that it has been published!! Your life experiences have filled you with a caring, sharing spirit, a sense of humor and contagious laughter. But above all, you have been given the gift of beautiful written expression. This has enabled you to grow not only in spite of but BECAUSE of pain, tragedy and frustration. You are a very special Christian woman who has wrapped your love of God around you in such a way that you exude love and joy to all with whom you come in contact. You bless us all with your life and your words. Thank you, Rita.
Hugs, Nancy R.
May 21st, 2007 at 6:26 am
Dear Friend and Mentor,
I have had the pleasure of being your friend as well as your apprentice . I now work as an alternative education administrator in Oklahoma City. It is the parenting component that is most powerful when working individually with \”at risk\” youth. My love and family has grown through this work. You were and continue to be an inspiration and model for me. Keep up the good work!
Barb Loudermilk
Metro Technology Centers
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Owner/Operator: Double BarB Ranch =B
www.oklahomatrailhorses.com
May 21st, 2007 at 8:03 am
Rita
I can only hope to have the impact you have had on so many people in your life and you are still impacting others with the way you live and succeed.
I admire you for ability to admitt weakness and willingness to rely on God to giv ve you the only strength that any of us can have to make it through this thing we call life.
God does not promise a yellow brick road to any of us, but he sends friends along the way that make it seem like we have ruby red slippers on.
I thank God for people like you and Mike, and you are truly blessed to see the harvest of all your time and heart on this young woman’s life.
God Bless
Amanda
May 21st, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Rita,
As a former teacher and administrator in an inner city school system for 34 years, I can relate to your story. The overwhelming feelings of despair and hopelessness when thinking of students futures can get a person down, especially when they all come from these environments. However, I know the joy you must feel now about Ivana’s future and how she has turned out thanks to you and others that showed her care and concern. Never giving up on a student is a hard thing to do sometimes. But, you didn’t give up on Ivana or any of them I feel sure. You have been a blessing to the educational system in this country, a role model for others in the profession, and a God -send to many kids. I salute you as you continue to bless others and continue on the pathway that God has chosen for you.
May 22nd, 2007 at 5:31 am
Aunt Rita,
What a great story! Three words…….YOU GO GIRL:)
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Rita,
When you and I were working together on one of your “dream teams”, back when, you gave me a placque at a year end celebration once that said “For one brief shining moment…there was Camelot.” I still keep it in my office and often look at it and at this time of year at the end of another school year I draw upon it, rememberances of you and a few other mentors along the way and hope that I can touch some of these young people with which we work daily. Thanks for the example that you have given us and thanks for sharing Ivana’s success. Here is wishing you many, many brief shining moments in days full of Camelot
with love, Gary Cruzen
May 22nd, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Rita,
How awesome! I always have known and felt that the Lord had touched the Angels Retreat in a very special way when we took the youth down there and met the two very special people that owned it. I now have it it writting! The more I get to know each of you - that spirit just grows! The Lord has just touched you in such a way that it glows! You see it when you sing and now in your writting! It has shown in your life in and all that lives you have touched! God Bless you and may you continue to touch all those around you! I know you do my family!!!!!!! We love you and Mike so much and Thank you for being a part of our church family and our family! Annette
May 24th, 2007 at 11:43 am
Rita,
What a heart-warming story of the faith of one human being in another! You truly saw something special in that young woman and nurtured it to the utmost. Thanks for telling that story and for being an inspiration to me and to so many others, not only by your story telling, but by your actions and boundless faith in a loving God.
Audrey
May 26th, 2007 at 10:39 am
I was fortunate enough to run the JROTC department while Rita was Principal. She definately touched the lives of many students. What may not have come across yet is the number of faculty she influenced. She was a great leader and a great friend. Good for you Rita. Great story. Did you tell them about My Sister’s Song??
May 28th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Dear Freind After reading your story I had to reply..Yes with tear filled eyes I have had a few teachers that had some impact on decisions I made in schooll and out of school.But having you and mike as personal friends has hade a rewarding impact on my life the last several years..Watching you as you hurt so,and slowly watching you as you grew closer to God to overcome some of that hurt.Your story should hit home to lots of teachers principle and just us everyday folks..We all need to reach down and give that little bit more .attention that hug that hand shake just a friendly Helo will make someones day. Like several others has said you may be only one to impact a person and make them grow strong.Keep on and God will continue to bless you and Mike Your friend alway Charlie
May 29th, 2007 at 7:36 am
My sister, the original mentor, encouraged me, also, to become an administrator. She prodded and poked until she managed to get me enrolled at SWOSU. Through the principalship, I have become a fulfilled educator, who seeks to continue the standards set by my big sister. Because of her, I also encourage others to strive to become a principal.
She is the BEST! I’m waiting to go drink a coke at Sonic with you sis!
Love,
Bevie
May 29th, 2007 at 8:57 am
My Dearest Rita,
As your official #1 fan, I can say that you have captured the essence of connecting with young people!!!!!! I aspire to have as much impact on any student as you have impacted the lives of all around you.
You have been an inspiration to me, as I struggle to impact the lives of the young people I teach. There is soooooo much more to teaching than subject content….
Please know that you are much loved!!!
Sonya
May 31st, 2007 at 10:19 am
I read this story and was so moved it took me a few days to respond. I was there when Rita lost her son, and knew there would be a hole in her heart forever. I also know by faith, God will see that things move on as they should. This is a story of full circle. What a gift for both Ivana and Rita. In life there are times when it just takes plain courage to exist. Both of these remarkable women have the courage to keep moving forward. Their rewards will not only last for their lifetime,but for generations to follow. I am proud to be able to call Rita my friend.
June 5th, 2007 at 6:20 am
Rita,
Your story was wonderful. It touched my heart. I truly believe that any kindness or encouragement given to a child makes a difference in their life. Sadly a kind word maybe the only kindness they have gotten from an adult for some time. As in your experience, it often enriches our own life as well.
A friend from Arkansas,
Mabel
July 11th, 2007 at 6:08 am
Rita,
The warmth of support, and the strength that comes from our loving one an0ther is brightened by this beautiful story, thank you for your story, Mike’s and your hospitality, and thank for the son that I got to spend many years with before his journey to the Lord.
WITH LOVE FROM YUKON…………..
JASON McK.
July 16th, 2007 at 8:27 am
Dear Rita,
As a fellow educator, I can truly relate to your story. You have written of your experiences in a truly beautiful and heart-warming manner. Thank you for sharing your heart with so many people.
Rita, our friendship now spans 30 plus years. We share many rich experiences which serve as ties that bind us. Those ties I will forever cherish and preserve.
May God bless you and Mick with His peace and abundant love,
Your friend,
Thomesene
February 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Rita,
I just read this story for a second time, and I was just as moved as I was the first time that I read it. You are a talented writer, and you do a beautiful job of portraying the true life of a principal. I remember well the year that you were the principal of the middle school in which I taught. As a principal you touched not only the lives of students but also the lives of teachers. I count myself blessed to know both you and Ivana, two wonderful people. Thank you for telling your story.
Blessings, Jo L. Soske
January 29th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Thanks for being a principal who cares and for sharingyour heartfelt story to fortify kindren spirits.