Orphans
Here you will find answers we have already purchased; we call them orphans because we hope to find art to illustrate them. We remove orphans from this page as we find art to illustrate them. We are about to update this page with new functionality, so check back soon!
Answers posted Monday, Aug. 4, 2008:
Answer 266:
Q: What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
A: When I was 12, my mom caught me furiously masturbating. While reading a quantum mechanics book.
Details for artist: When I was 12 and began to discover the joys of self-stimulation, I hid a little erotic book behind a huge, heavy book of quantum mechanics that belonged to my grandfather. Once, my mother, who came back from work earlier than usual, caught me in the bathroom, touching my “boy-parts” by looking at this big book. For years she thought that I had some Freudian problems - until I told her about my little mystification.
Answer 265:
Q: What was your most memorable encounter with a celebrity?
A: As Lyndon B. Johnson exited through revolving doors at his hotel, I tripped and stumbled behind him. The door jammed. We were trapped inside. I asked LBJ for his autograph. My pen didn’t work. He used his own. When the door was freed, I had the autograph 1.25 times. (Hilton Hotel, Istanbul, Turkey, August 1962)
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 264:
Q: What’s something in your room that would surprise your parents?
A: The Bible is in the fiction section of my bookshelf, instead of the place of honor in the nightstand drawer. (Indiana, 2008)
Details for artist: I am female. The Bible is blue leather, and my furniture is a light wood.
Answer 263:
Q: What were the strangest circumstances under which you have been intimate?
A: In 7th grade, I was a perfect church-going teen. I was at youth group standing alone in a hallway. He, a brown-haired, blue-eyed cutie, stared at me. I stared back, and suddenly was pushed up against a wall in a whirl of passion. In that moment I realized religion never really played a huge role in my life.
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 262:
Q: What is the nastiest thing you have said or done?
A: Breaking off a three year relationship that he had hoped was headed toward marriage. He asked for the diamond earrings back. I replied, “Get me a tweezer and a magnifying glass and I’ll see if I can locate them.”
Not my best moment.
Details for artist: This took place in 1989, in the living room of my tiny apartment. I was anxious to be rid of him. He had tear-filled eyes.
Answer 261:
Q: What was your most embarrassing moment?
A: My first day of retirement, I decided to relax in my jacuzzi bathtub. I’m just starting to REALLY appreciate those jets when I hear movement above me. I look up to see a man lying on the enormous skylight. I forgot the window washers were coming that day.
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 260:
Q: What is the strangest thing you ever overheard?
A: I stood in the living room with others mourners of the murdered 24-year-old. A young woman next to the casket said to another, “His hair looks good doesn’t it? I told him I liked it. He said it was a good cut to die in.” He knew they would get him.
Details for artist: The wake was held in the victim’s home. The casket was placed along the longest wall opposite the couch. About a dozen people stood or sat inside the living room, while dozens more gathered in other rooms and outside. The victim and his family are Puerto Rican and religious objects and curios filled the shelves of a entertainment center/bookcase that stood perpendicular to the couch. The victim’s hair was cut very short and he had a thin beard that ran just along his jaw-line. A friend of his had been killed just a few days before he was.
Answer 259:
Q: What is your deepest secret?
A: I was the girl everyone wanted to be: student council president, newspaper editor, scholar athlete, homecoming queen. After the tennis court lights have been turned off, the swimming pool is silent and calm again, and all of our guests have gone home, no one saw me crouching in a corner of our palatial home, repeatedly being punched and kicked by my mother (gracious host and empathetic physician), wishing I was anybody but me.
Details for artist: Summer of 1991. The black gates of my house, with their marble columns and ornate lanterns were famous in our city. This house (and every family member who lived in it) enjoyed some kind of positive notoriety. We seemed like the perfect family. Everyone was smart, pretty, well-mannered. After one of our many summer parties, I find myself (not unlike other times) switching instantly from adored party princess to cowering ball of anger and fear. I don’t know what set her off. Maybe I put the dip in the wrong bowl. I’m crouching in the corner of our marble foyer, behind a column that holds a valuable Ming dynasty vase (hoping she’ll be too afraid that the vase will fall if her aim is off). Above us hangs an imported European chandelier, with multiple tiers of the most delicate crystals. All of the beautiful things that surrounded us couldn’t hide the sheer ugliness of the scene.
Answers posted Monday, July 28, 2008:
Answer 257:
Q: What was your most memorable encounter with a celebrity?
A: I was at a Breeders record release party. The band was present except for Kim Deal. I scanned the room and saw a distant door open. Out shuffled Kim, dressed in her pajamas. I approached and made small talk while she pulled a roach out of her front pocket and struck a match. She smoked, unaware that people around us were taking notice, and walked away without offering me a toke. (Smart Bar, Chicago, 1993)
Details for artist: I am a man.
Answer 256:
Q: What door do you wish you never opened?
A: I’m at a club in college, grinding on the floor with a sexy guy with potential. I have to pee badly, so I skip the long line and open the door to the men’s room – to see the sexy man kissing another man. (Washington DC, 1991)
Details for artist: I am a woman. We were at our local college bar that we always hung out at so everyone knew us. But then there was this hot “new” guy that we didn’t have the background story on. I was intrigued and went for it.
Answer 255:
Q: What’s the one thing your parents don’t understand about you?
A: I got straight A’s so no one would bother me. I got straight A’s so I could smoke weed and have sex with my 19-year-old boyfriend. I got straight A’s, which further highlighted that my brother didn’t. I got straight A’s so my parents wouldn’t talk to me. (Culver City, California, 1996)
Details for artist: I am a woman, and I graduated in the top percent of my class. In the year 2000 I went on to graduate as valedictorian of my college graduating class. My motivation for getting straight As eventually changed, but my teenage angst and irritation with my parental units ironically resulted in both academic and professional success.
Answer 254:
Q: What is the strangest thing you have seen?
A: I stop to tie my shoelace on my way to school. I look up to see two construction workers with their pants down, one bent over. They see me and attempt to do actual work, their butts barely covered. (Alicante, Spain, 2003)
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 253:
Q: What is your deepest secret?
A: My uncle is a long-time cop-turned-detective. How am I supposed to trust authority when they allow child molesters to join the force?
Details for artist: I am a woman. I was almost 8 years old. I would spend my summers at my grandparents’ house in LA.
Answers posted Monday, July 21, 2008:
Answer 249:
Q: What is your deepest secret?
A: I was walking my dog after a night of drinking. I met a homeless man who I wanted to take care of. He wanted to take care of me, too. I spent the rest of the night taking hits off his crack pipe on my front porch. (Hollywood, California, October 2004)
Details for artist:This took place in Hollywood, California, in October 2004. Our neighborhood was an oasis in the middle of seediness, between Sunset and Hollywood. I ventured off the beaten path. By the end of the night my husband and I were telling the man he could live on our front porch. The next morning, the reality set in of what we had actually done. I remember sitting across from each other at the Denny’s down the street in utter despair just looking guiltily at each other. We ended up writing him a note and leaving him a new dress shirt to hopefully help him start a new life. We didn’t leave him any money for the crack.
Answer 248:
Q: What is the strangest thing you have witnessed at work or school?
A: I worked at a comic book store in Times Square. On Halloween I wore a Supergirl costume. I am a man. The biggest Supergirl fan in the world walked in, saw me, and turned right back around. I think I destroyed his mind. (Midtown Comics, New York, 2006)
Details for artist: I was 23. My friend Jackie did my makeup in a Chinese food restaurant during my lunch break and right after a bunch of little girls asked me to take a picture with them. Their father was just a little unnerved. The makeup was admittedly a little whorish. It definitely wasn’t classy. My wig was curly, ratty, and blonde. The Supergirl fan was a quiet, short, balding, middle-aged and slightly hefty guy. Classic comic book fan. He was a regular customer and talked about Supergirl all the time. I didn’t wear the costume to freak him out. In fact, I didn’t even think about it until I saw him. I just wanted to dress up as a superhero. I love Halloween.
Answer 247:
Q: What were the strangest circumstances under which you have been intimate?
A: Often times, out of shear boredom, I’ve masturbated while driving. I’ve always wondered if anyone has ever looked at the young, sweet girl next to them on the highway and been aware of what she was doing below the steering wheel.
Details for artist: The most recent time was on Hwy 101 from San Jose to Santa Barbara. It was a long trip.
Answer 244:
Q: What is the strangest thing you have witnessed at school?
A: When crying in a bathroom stall, covered in blood, after slicing up my arms, I looked up and saw that someone had written “Everything Will Be Okay” in red lipstick on the door. This moment changed my life, and gave me more hope than anything else has thus far.
Details for artist: This happened in the stall of the girl’s bathroom in 12th grade. I later found out that it was actually one of my best friends who drew it. I took a picture of it and showed it to her one day and she said: “Oh my God! I wrote that!” and laughed it off.
Answer 243:
Q: What is the most gracious act of kindness you have witnessed?
A: The taxi driver asked if I was OK.
Said he’d come back for me.
Amid the protesters, I walked into the clinic.
The driver was more concerned about me than the man who helped land me there.
Months later, a letter arrived.
It was the driver, wishing away my sadness.
Answer 242:
Q: What is the most unusual interaction you’ve had with a celebrity?
A: I was at a reception where Prince Charles was the guest. I saw him in the entryway, before the crowd knew he had entered. He gave each and every woman in the room a lecherous once over, including me. Right then I thought, “That marriage is over.” Soon after, the world found out that it was. (England, 1989)
Details for artist: This took place in a large grade school library, and there were probably 60 people, most holding a glass of wine. Prince Charles wore a dark suit, and that HRH ring he wears on his left pinky glinted in the light. He had a bodyguard to his right and a little behind him. He was actually sort of attractive.
Answer 236:
Q: What is the most gracious act of kindness you have witnessed?
A: A couple years ago, the waitress at my favorite bar only made about $20 one night. When I left, she rode her bike up to the underpass, where 7 or 8 homeless people sleep, and tucked a couple bucks into each of their belongings.
Details for artist: I am a woman. This took place on Wednesday, July 16, 2008, at Navy Pier, downtown Chicago.
Answer 235:
Q: What is the worst betrayal you have experienced?
A: “I’ve been tested for everything – I’m clean,” he whispered back.
Sealed with the most intense kiss.
Tingling, then fire.
Weeks later, he said, “Now that you have herpes, you can’t leave me for another guy.”
Details for artist: I met one of the most handsome men I have ever dated in July of 2002 on Match.com, of all places. I was on a “delayed” rebound from a boyfriend that dumped me in February. I was 29, and six months away from my 30th birthday. Delayed rebound + midlife crisis = stupid dating choice! All of the values and logic I normally had just escaped me whenever I was around him. I contracted herpes from him after the first time we were together in August. I knew nothing about herpes, and had always been careful to that point. It was humbling. I wrote this during an evening after being rejected by a man who didn’t want to date a woman with herpes. He and I had “the talk.” It did not go well. Writing this made me proud to be honest and unashamed of the rejection.
Answer 233:
Q: What is your most obsessive thought?
A: When I read the obituaries, I imagine my death. My stomach turns acid cold. I want to run, but there is nowhere to run. I want to hide, but there is nowhere to hide. I read the obituaries almost every day.
Details for artist: I am a man. I read one of our national dailies for my research job, so my story occurs most work days at my work desk. No danger pay, alas.
Answer 231:
Q: What is the strangest or funniest thing you have seen or overheard?
A: “Oh man, you know that totally hot chick I met at the club last night? The one with the short shorts and massive breasts?”
“Yeah, she’s way hot.”
“Dude, I hope she doesn’t have STDs.”
Details for artist: I am a woman. This took place in a Starbucks.
Answer 229:
Q: What is the most shocking thing someone has confessed to you?
A: My coworker in the Air Force confessed to wearing women’s underwear and asked me to shop with him. He spent $250, but it didn’t hit me until the next day when he whispered, “Does the bra show under my uniform?” (Hickam Air Force Base, Hawai’i)
Answer 228:
Q: What were the strangest circumstances under which you’ve been intimate?
A: We’re in the hot tub for a quickie before they get home. Just as we get going, the patio door opens and they join us in the tub. His parents are sitting a foot away, with him still inside me…. Then the jets shut off.
Answer 227:
Q: What is the worst advice you’ve ever received?
A: He kissed my neck as he wildly peeled the clothes off our bodies. But it ended as quickly as it began. Muttering obscenities, he slammed my car door. All because a friend swore that men like anal pleasure best. (Parking lot, UC San Diego, January 2005)
Answer 226:
Q: What is the most shocking thing someone has confessed to you?
A: My husband got his Hells Angels buddies to drive into a man who raped a young girl. The man ended up paralyzed from the waist down. He never raped again.
Details for artist: He told me this shortly after we got married, in the late ’80s, lying together in his single bed, my fingers tracing the tattoos and scars on his body. He told me he had secrets. He didn’t want to tell me more, but I kept at him, until he told me this one. He couldn’t look at me as he shared the story. I could tell he felt he had both done the right thing and a terrible thing. He was afraid I’d judge him for it. I did not.
Answer 224:
Q: What is the nastiest thing you have ever done?
A: He was the creepiest boss I’ve ever had. The way his eyes got all glassy when he talked about his mysterious trips to Mexico — I knew he was into young boys. Finally one day, as he left for the airport, I stirred Chocolate Ex-Lax into his coffee. He missed the plane.
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 223:
Q: What is the worst advice you’ve ever received?
A: “Don’t just stay for the kids” was common knowledge back in the day when my marriage was tanking, so I left. Now, as I watch my kids fighting addictions and digging themselves out of debt, I wonder: What if I had stayed for the kids? (Asheville, North Carolina, 1980s)
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 222:
Q: Under what circumstances have you been closest to death?
A: You lose your breath as the chilled metal connects with your skin. You close your eyes as you remember, clench your fist as you slowly pull back. “Click.” Your mind steps away from the bright light. You won your game of Roulette. (In the woods, 2006)
Details for artist: I am a man.
Answer 221:
Q: What were the strangest circumstances under which you have been intimate?
A: I wanted her for years. She gave happy-ending massages to businessmen in suburbia. Then she went to South America to become a Buddhist nun. She gave me a hand job when she returned from the monastery. “I didn’t know so much would come out,” she said as I touched her holy robe. (Portland, Oregon, 2004)
Answer 218:
Q: What was your worst social or professional faux pas?
A: I prepared my first PowerPoint presentation on how our office could improve our recycling program. As I presented it to my fellow employees, I used a laser to point at the list of recyclables as I read aloud the first two items: paper clips and and floppy dicks. (New Orleans, 1990)
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 217:
Q: What were the strangest circumstances under which you’ve been intimate?
A: My high school girlfriend and I discovered that because of the height of a Volkswagen van’s steering wheel she could sit on my lap, facing forward, and we could have sex while I drove. We searched for bumpy streets for extra thrust. (1971, Long Beach, California)
Answer 215:
Q: What is the strangest thing you have seen?
A: I was rowing on the lake. A man popped up on the shore, waggling his red, erect penis. He wanted me to feel afraid, to cry out, to cover my eyes. Instead, I pointed and laughed. Angry, he shook it harder, screaming, “Look at it!” But It was now withered and dusky like late-summer grass.
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 214:
Q: What is the most gracious act of kindness you have witnessed?
A: We threw a bake sale. A kid passing by asked what it was for, and we said we were trying to raise enough money to get a friend an abortion. He left without saying anything. He came back with $100. We don’t know who he was. (College student union, Illinois)
Answer 213:
Q: What was the single most terrifying moment of your life?
A: Watching a 60 Minutes piece on “Patient Zero,” the gay flight attendant many think started the global spread of HIV because of his travels, good looks, and hundreds of sex partners. When Mike Wallace finally flashed his picture on the screen, I recognized him as the man who picked me two nights before.
Answer 212:
Q: What is your deepest secret?
A: “Utah is nice Mom, yeah. I have a roommate, and school is going well. How’s everything back home?” I tell my mother over the phone. Funny thing is, I live two blocks down from her place, while she believes I’m three states away.
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 211:
Q: What is the most painful moment you have experienced?
A: During a moment of infidelity in the family car, the woman straddling me accidentally hit my phone and dialed my wife. The pain came when I realized her phone was on speakerphone, and my young daughters heard everything.
Answer 210:
Q: What is the most gracious act of kindness you have witness?
A: Waiting room. Shell-shocked parents of squirming children with Down’s, Autism, Cerebral Palsy. I’m only here to help my kid to talk. A door opens, and a small, scarred face appears. Everyone looks away. No one speaks. Then my son hands him a toy.
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 209:
Q: What was your worst social or professional faux pas?
A: As a massage therapist at a 5-star spa, I exchanged hellos with a beautiful woman who said she lived at the Playboy mansion. “Oh really,” I said. “What do you do there?” She just looked at me. (The Catamaran Spa, San Diego, 2007)
Details for artist: I am a woman.
Answer 208:
Q: What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?
A: On cocaine, methadone and Xanax, I tried to rob a Dairy Queen with a BB-gun while an off-duty cop was at the counter, ordering a Peanut Buster Parfait. The Great Dairy Queen Robbery got me a 16-year sentence, seven of which I served. (Westminster, Colorado, Jan. 15, 1995)
Details for artist: I am a man.
Answer 207:
Q: What happened on your worst date?
A: I stayed over at this guy’s house one night. The next morning, bright and early, three people burst through his bedroom door, singing and carrying a birthday cake. They looked at me and one of them said to him, “I guess it’s good we didn’t bring your mom.” (Oberlin College, Spring of 1994)
Answers posted Monday, May 12, 2008:
Answer 185:
Q: What door do you wish you never opened?
A: My divorce attorney, who was married, took me out for coffee. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my upper leg. It was no mistake; he was under my skirt. His hand was so warm. My husband hadn’t touched me for years.
Details for artist: The incident took place in Bakersfield, California, at a small café near Truxtun Avenue downtown. The place mostly served the lunch crowd, but was a bit out of the way so it was usually not crowded. There was a lot of artwork on the walls. I have long, red hair and green eyes, and I weighed 105 pounds. The table was small and round and for two people. I remember exactly what I wore – a white cotton peasant blouse with a muted, printed skirt. The attorney had dark hair, dark eyes and strong features with some scars on his face from acne when he was a teenager.
Answers posted Monday, April 28, 2008:
Answer 173:
Q (open): Growing up, how did you know you were poor?
A: Around 1986, deep Arkansas Delta. Lots of cotton fields around our small town. Mama never said we were poor as we dug in the ugly orange plaid couch for change. She wanted bread for potted meat sandwiches. A buddy of daddy’s was outside, thanking him for buying a round last night at ‘The Getaway Club.’ I cut my finger on a protruding spring.
Details for artist: This took place when I was a young girl, under 10. Our house was visibly poor but neat, thanks to my mother. We had an old, orange plaid couch with sagging cushions and the old wood trim on the arms. This is where we searched for the loose change. My father always wore a T-shirt with one pocket and some type of baseball cap. The drinking buddy wore a John Deere cap and overalls, nice car - apparently more money than we had.
Answers posted Monday, April 21, 2008:
Answer 165:
Q: What is the most gracious act of kindness you have witnessed?
A: My father’s former mistress enters his room at Hospice House, not knowing my mother and I are with him. I expect my mother to freak out in a rage. Instead, Mom walks over to The Other Woman and embraces her in a prolonged hug. Dad watches and weeps.
Details for artist: I am a woman. This took place at the Hospice House Concord, New Hampshire, in November 2000.
Answer 161:
Q: What is the worst betrayal you have ever experienced?
A: June of 1991, Beaufort, South Carolina. After sharing many sexual intimacies with several of my fellow Marines, I was picked up, arrested, and ultimately booted out of the Marines with an “Other Than Honorable” discharge. One of my screw-buddies had freaked out and confided in our deck sergeant, who in turn called the MPs. That almost destroyed me. I’ll never forgive that guy, or the Marine Corps, for judging me to be less than the man I know I am.
Details for artist: I met the guy two weeks after we first left each other messages in a store men’s room. The first time we met we were both so nervous we could only sit there and talk briefly. I threw up that night because I was so nervous. Several months later, we were rounded up by military police at the very same place we first met. The next day I remember overhearing the officer who would plea my case in military court as he talked to someone on the phone. “It’s no problem. Just some ‘faggot.’ We’ll do him fast, and then we can tee off on time.”
Answers posted Monday, March 31, 2008:
Answer 146:
Q: What was the single most terrifying day of your life?
A: Sunset, Little Grassy Lake.
Debby and I wade waist deep, alone, holding hands:
Teen-fire.
Motorcycles roar up then stop.
Black-jacketed bikers dismount and charge,
Grab Debby,
Strip her naked,
Drag her to the beach,
Touch girl parts I have never seen.
She wails: “Gene!”
I stand helpless, moaning.
They leave.
Details for artist: The incident occurred at Little Grassy Lake State Park, in southern Illinois. There is a heavily wooded public campground there and a steeply-hilled sand beach for swimming. The Park is surrounded by the 40,000-acre Shawneee National Forest, a beautiful wilderness. The girl of the story lived in a nearby town. I believe we were 13 or 14. We were wading around close to sunset, waiting for her sister to pick her up, when along came about 30 motorcycles. When the leader spotted us, he turned to his men and they dismounted, ran down the hill and encircled us. They dragged the girl onto the beach and stripped her. A terrifying, booted man waded into the water and held me by the shoulders. They fondled her silently but did not rape her. My impression was that the leader changed his mind because so many tents were nearby. They drove off. I picked up the girl’s swimsuit and gave it to her, then walked a few yards away and turned my back. I was sobbing; she was silent. She dressed and walked into the woods. Her sister arrived in the dark, and she ran up the hill. I never saw her again.
Answers posted Monday, March 24, 2008:
Answer 141:
Q (open): Adapted from a longer Common Ties story, Last Right.
A: She had esophageal cancer.
Wanted to end the pain from a high hotel window.
Asked if I’d drive.
I did.
We exchanged I love yous.
I drove away.
Now, I feel neither punishment nor reward.
But I am not at peace.
Answers posted Monday, March 17, 2008:
Answer 139:
Q: What is the most gracious act of kindness you have witnessed?
A: Group foster home, empty dining hall, a little girl sits, fried liver before her. A boy, wiping tables.
Boy: Whassa matter? Don’t like liver?
Girl shakes head, fighting tears.
Boy (checking for adults): Here. (Making a face, he gobbles her liver, gives her a shove.) Go on.
Details for artist: The incident took place in the early ’70s in a dingy dining hall with eight long tables in rows. The little girl was six, the boy about 12 or 12, probably native Alaskan, since most of the Home’s inmates were. A door and a large pass-thru window led into the kitchen on one end of the room and on the other end another door led outside. All the other kids and staff had left the dining hall to return to their dorms for the night. The older boys had cleanup duty that week.